.jpg)
Okay, so I'm feeling more than a little self-conscious about all of the people that are checking my anemic blog. Last week at a church function, no fewer than 5 people told me I needed to post more on my blog - and I had only decided the day before to actually do it (in addition to the family website I was already doing). Baby steps, people!:) Also, I am really trying to concentrate on getting more sleep, and getting to bed early so that my waking up at 5 am to work out doesn't actually drive me over the edge of insanity that I regularly walk...or kill me. It's really messing up my journaling time, which is usually too late at night. So have patience with me.
This morning we had our Music Makers class (some of the girls at church - six of us - each teach a 10 minute portion of a really cute music class for our young children). It's really fun, at least in theory. But sometimes it's just insanely chaotic (which is, in truth, still fun for the kids, but not exactly what it's intended to be), and I sing and dance around like a crazy person with hardly anyone else paying attention. And of course, getting us fed and dressed and dishes done and all of our puppets, musical instruments, Cd's, CD players, bubbles, and props, lunch or snacks packed for the gym or errands afterward, and out the door on time is for some reason one of my life's greatest obstacles. Those of you who know me well know that I can't be on time to anything to save my life. If anyone finds out the secret to getting an ounce of an internal sense of time, please let me know and save me an entire lifetime of humiliation. But until then, I beg you, tell me I need to be there 10-20 minutes before I actually do. It will work, I promise.
After Music Makers, we had an impromptu lunch at a friend's house. But just getting Christian out of the church parking lot where there is oh so much to explore and into the car was a battle of epic proportions. Christian is just so independent now, and he just WILL NOT COME when I call him. I am at my wit's end, not to mention my patience, because it is frequently dangerous, we are frequently in a hurry (what does Christian care that we are running late?) and always exasperating. I don't know if it's my realization that I have no control over him, or the realization that I have no plan or parenting philosophy to adequately deal with this disobedience that is so frustrating. My pre-parenting plan that I cling to is to only ask once and then the consequences come. But sometimes he's running away, and I can't reach him after the first warning, plus he is so strong now that I have a hard time physically controlling him. And I don't want to spank him, since I'm desperately trying to teach him not to hit me when he's frustrated. Sitting on a chair works well (for the moment) when we are at home, but what about when we are out? What do I threaten? Ahhhhggh!
Anyway, Christian wouldn't come when I called, in spite of the promise of a play date. I got him all the way to the car, and then while searching for my keys, he ran off again toward a the little drainage ditch by the parking lot, and WOULD NOT COME BACK. I actually bellowed at him to come back, but he just kept running. So I got in the car, and started to drive over to him (faster than me running after him). Well, Christian came running out of the drainage ditch, yelling for me to wait for him. The look of true terror on his face I can say I have never seen before, and it was heartbreaking. I felt so bad. I mean, happy that he actually got in the car, but sad that he thought I might leave him.
Anyway, at our friend's house, Christian, in his usual fashion, played HARD, and had so much fun that he screamed and kicked when I picked him up to leave. Big surprise.
I was planning on going home, but decided to go to the grocery store quickly for a few things I really needed right away. Well, Christian must have really been worn out from playing hard, because he actually fell asleep in the shopping cart. That has NEVER happened before. I picked him up and he just nestled into my shoulder and slept in my arms through the checkout lane. I so rarely get a chance to just hold him without resistance (he is always on the move), that I couldn't help but just nuzzle and kiss him repeatedly on his soft little cheek.
As we were walking out of the grocery store, and I thought of how big (and heavy) he's grown, we passed an elderly couple on their way in, slow, and bent with age. I smiled at them, and they smiled back. I thought of how often older people will stop me and look wistfully at Christian, and tell me to enjoy every minute. That they grow up so fast.
At that moment, holding my precious boy in my arms, I was struck with the thought that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. Yeah, things haven't always gone the way I would have chosen if I was in control of the world. Yeah we didn't get to have a baby until we had been married for ten long years. Yeah, I wish we had already had another one before Christian was too old for them to be playmates. And yeah, I wish we could have another one soon so that I have time to ever have any more before my time runs out. Yeah, I'm a total stress case and sometimes feel so overwhelmed with my daily trials and challenges that I just feel like running away or at least hiding my head under the covers (yes... a bed... sleep sounds nice). But if I never had any other children, or any other blessings besides the unbelievable, amazing blessing of getting to be Christian's mom, I would still be the luckiest girl in the world.
P.S. How long can I get away with calling myself a girl?
This morning we had our Music Makers class (some of the girls at church - six of us - each teach a 10 minute portion of a really cute music class for our young children). It's really fun, at least in theory. But sometimes it's just insanely chaotic (which is, in truth, still fun for the kids, but not exactly what it's intended to be), and I sing and dance around like a crazy person with hardly anyone else paying attention. And of course, getting us fed and dressed and dishes done and all of our puppets, musical instruments, Cd's, CD players, bubbles, and props, lunch or snacks packed for the gym or errands afterward, and out the door on time is for some reason one of my life's greatest obstacles. Those of you who know me well know that I can't be on time to anything to save my life. If anyone finds out the secret to getting an ounce of an internal sense of time, please let me know and save me an entire lifetime of humiliation. But until then, I beg you, tell me I need to be there 10-20 minutes before I actually do. It will work, I promise.
After Music Makers, we had an impromptu lunch at a friend's house. But just getting Christian out of the church parking lot where there is oh so much to explore and into the car was a battle of epic proportions. Christian is just so independent now, and he just WILL NOT COME when I call him. I am at my wit's end, not to mention my patience, because it is frequently dangerous, we are frequently in a hurry (what does Christian care that we are running late?) and always exasperating. I don't know if it's my realization that I have no control over him, or the realization that I have no plan or parenting philosophy to adequately deal with this disobedience that is so frustrating. My pre-parenting plan that I cling to is to only ask once and then the consequences come. But sometimes he's running away, and I can't reach him after the first warning, plus he is so strong now that I have a hard time physically controlling him. And I don't want to spank him, since I'm desperately trying to teach him not to hit me when he's frustrated. Sitting on a chair works well (for the moment) when we are at home, but what about when we are out? What do I threaten? Ahhhhggh!
Anyway, Christian wouldn't come when I called, in spite of the promise of a play date. I got him all the way to the car, and then while searching for my keys, he ran off again toward a the little drainage ditch by the parking lot, and WOULD NOT COME BACK. I actually bellowed at him to come back, but he just kept running. So I got in the car, and started to drive over to him (faster than me running after him). Well, Christian came running out of the drainage ditch, yelling for me to wait for him. The look of true terror on his face I can say I have never seen before, and it was heartbreaking. I felt so bad. I mean, happy that he actually got in the car, but sad that he thought I might leave him.
Anyway, at our friend's house, Christian, in his usual fashion, played HARD, and had so much fun that he screamed and kicked when I picked him up to leave. Big surprise.
I was planning on going home, but decided to go to the grocery store quickly for a few things I really needed right away. Well, Christian must have really been worn out from playing hard, because he actually fell asleep in the shopping cart. That has NEVER happened before. I picked him up and he just nestled into my shoulder and slept in my arms through the checkout lane. I so rarely get a chance to just hold him without resistance (he is always on the move), that I couldn't help but just nuzzle and kiss him repeatedly on his soft little cheek.
As we were walking out of the grocery store, and I thought of how big (and heavy) he's grown, we passed an elderly couple on their way in, slow, and bent with age. I smiled at them, and they smiled back. I thought of how often older people will stop me and look wistfully at Christian, and tell me to enjoy every minute. That they grow up so fast.
At that moment, holding my precious boy in my arms, I was struck with the thought that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. Yeah, things haven't always gone the way I would have chosen if I was in control of the world. Yeah we didn't get to have a baby until we had been married for ten long years. Yeah, I wish we had already had another one before Christian was too old for them to be playmates. And yeah, I wish we could have another one soon so that I have time to ever have any more before my time runs out. Yeah, I'm a total stress case and sometimes feel so overwhelmed with my daily trials and challenges that I just feel like running away or at least hiding my head under the covers (yes... a bed... sleep sounds nice). But if I never had any other children, or any other blessings besides the unbelievable, amazing blessing of getting to be Christian's mom, I would still be the luckiest girl in the world.
P.S. How long can I get away with calling myself a girl?
8 comments:
Oh, Melanie...that's so sweet. You are such a great example to everyone. Thanks for the reminder to remember the moments.
and lols to the p.s....I don't think you will ever have to worry about that.
Hey Melanie,
Christian is one of the cutest boys I know! You are the luckiest girl in the world! Glad you were able to realize that after such a frusterating day! You have a beautiful family:)And welcome to the blogging world! Watch out this blogging stuff becomes addicting!
Lindsay Iverson
This is such a great post to remind us all to feel those moments of love for our children. I forget sometimes, especially on music maker days-they ARE soooo chaotic! You are such a sweet heart-love the blog!
Melanie,
Your writing is so engaging!! I love it! You are a very patient mom. I find myself getting frustrated with Hudson at times, right now our issue is getting into his car seat. Everyday we get in the car he climbs over the back seat and wants me to get him... I try 1,2,3 magic, if that doesn't work, my voice gets stern. Thanks for the reminder that we need to enjoy these times, they are only going to be little once! Hopefully they won't be 21 and still running from us!!
I just discovered your blog and I am so EXCITED. You are amazing and I marvel at all you accomplish in the day. Christian is the cutest and you are the luckiest. You are the best!
Melanie- this blog has my eyes watering. I think I truly need to hear these stories from other mothers. I have had one of the hardest days,well 14 weeks actually. But this blog put me in tears. It is so true how you just have to give up on trying to get them to be soft or listen or come here when you call...but when they snuggle up asleep in your arms and there feet dangle down past your hips...you can't help but take every advantage and hold them close to you and hope they always stay small. You are such a great example and this blog just wants me to go snuggle my little boy and let him know I love him so much...even though he has given me like 15 bruises today...screamed my ear off....wouldn't get in the car...made a HUGE mess of the kitchen and etc. I need to just breathe and be thankful for my family.
Why didn't you tell me you FINALLY started a blog? Hurray!
I think you can always call yourself a girl! ALWAYS! We are, right?
You are such a great mom, and Christian is so lucky to have you. One of my favorite sayings is, "keep on keeping on." Hopefully our best will be enough for these little ones that have so much energy!
You cannot be the luckiest girl in the world, I am. Except I am not a girl. Come to think of it, I am not very lucky either. But I do have the hairiest back in the world. Don't even try to challenge me on that.
Post a Comment